I had a very progressive family that allowed me to express anger. My favorite method growing up was door slamming. There's something kinetic about swinging the darn thing open to gain momentum and putting your whole weight into slamming it shut. The satisfying sound and whoosh of air by my face would bring me down to baseline. That built up anger energy would be gone. I feel silly doing anything else ... screaming, slamming pillows, hitting a punching bag. None are as resetting to me as a good door slam. No one else slammed doors in my family... it was my trademark.
Do you think anger and frustration are the same emotion or different? I often feel frustrated but true anger for me is rare.
Loved the podcast accompanying the article. It really brings it to life. Thank you for mentioning my work!
You make a good point about frustration vs anger. I honestly don't know. Both seemed to be negative when I was growing up. So it didn't really make a difference.
What would you say the difference is?
Did your kids grow up slamming doors too? Or was that your thing?
Do you see any connection to those frustrated days, hormone flux, and unmet needs?
Growing up, anger wasn't an emotion appropriate for little girls. We were supposed to be polite and accommodating. Even to this day, I am terrible with recognizing when I'm angry - it usually takes a lot before I'm raving mad. Your firecracker analogy is perfect. But I hadn't thought about looking at anger in relation to my cycle, and how it can stem from unmet needs. Thank you for pointing that out; I hope things are getting better in your neck of the woods.
Same here. I was the only girl with three brothers. I remember very early, I had a temper. That temper was squashed. Which is fine. Learning not to just unleash on everyone is important. Anger is fine when it doesn't' land on someone who really doesn't deserve it.
And I am not referring to when there is someone specific that is pushing my anger button. This article is really about just having the feeling in general. Just like sometimes I feel sad but nothing I consciously is attached to it. Or when I feel happy, I'm not always trying to figure out who or what is making me happy.
Yet, it's true that in the cycle phases anger just shows up sometimes. Fluctuating hormones of testosterone in Spring phase or crashing or jumping estrogen in Fall, I believe, plays a part in sudden feelings of intense frustration, or general funk feelings. Unmet needs is a huge part of this equation in late Fall especially when we have forgotten to take care of ourselves for too long. I think it spills into the Fall phase of life- perimenopause. When we have been ignoring these inner irritations cyclically for years and then the life phase of Fall shows up, all of a sudden every day we are feeling that same irritation that we felt only a few days of the month is now all the time. This is when the practice gets very real and healing is essential.
I so appreciate your thoughts here, Susan. It is a much needed conversation.
Your comments and thoughtful words encourage my writing. Thank you.
Things are better for some of us here and not great for others. I now have drinking water! Which means I can wash my face in the shower, rinse my toothbrush with my faucet and wash dishes with tap water! 54 days. I have to retrain my mind that I am allowed to do these things now.
Today, it snowed. I love snow, but the winds of over 45mph knocked out power to 1,800 customers (I was spared) for 12 hours and I am very concerned about the higher elevations and all the displaced families that are living in campers or worse- tents. It is still very dire in some of the surrounding towns. Please keep them in your prayers. We need volunteers to construct tiny homes to provide temporary housing.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It is still very rough here.
Drinking water!! Finally!! I cannot imagine what you and your community have been through.Two months with no water; it seems like that would be impossible in this day and age. Prayers continue for your and your community.
And yes, please keep writing about women's cycles and how they affect our lives. I feel like we were told to tune out our cycles when they started, or never taught that they were important to pay attention to in the first place. And maybe that we because no one taught our mothers. Regardless, your writing is for women of all ages - young women just learning about their cycles, women wanting to get pregnant, women in midlife, and women in menopause. Knowing how to tune into ourselves and our emotions only make us better prepared to harness the energy of our cycles and honor when we need to rest. You remind us how to make time to discern our emotions instead of stuffing them down so that we can process them instead of being like firecrackers. I'll say the same thing to you as to Ann Marie McQueen: you're a beacon; keep going. XO
Thank you, Susan. I am humbled by your eloquent words.
We will educate our young women of Spring, our blossoming mothers of Summer, our wild peri-women, and our wise women that we can go with our flow and embrace it tenderly, no longer ignoring or fighting it away.
I would be careful with screaming. I used to regulate my emotions by screaming things, and it was overheard, and it ended up causing me quite a bit of trouble. I'll never give myself the freedom to scream again. It's ironic how you want to get toxic feelings out of your system to heal them, and you can get labeled as that which you are trying to get rid of.
This is so helpful to know this is normal. I just wish we could actually normalize it instead of shoving it away and bringing shame to the table instead. Thank you.
Right? Regulating emotions. I mean when I'm happy I don't get all up in someone's face with my laughter and freak out on them. It's an emotion. We have them. Maybe I'll go throw axes when I'm happy too.
I mean, that might be as much fun if not more. I'm not sure if I would be more accurate angry or happy. Of course if I'm not accurate angry that might make me more mad.... 🤣
Love this reply so much. Made me smile. Yeah I think my accuracy is best in my Spring season days 7-12. Will have to experiment to know for sure. Yes, definitely in my pms, throwing axes plus anger might be disastrous. Not to mention I'm clumsy.
My accuracy is ideally best when I don't try to aim,lol. If I just spontaneously throw something at someone, I would hit them in the head. If I try to actually hit them i would fall miserably! 🤣
I’ve never thought about tracking the differences in my cycle depending on the season, though I know I am of course deeply affected by the change of season- or lack thereof in current times. Thanks for sharing!
Each week of your menstrual month is it's own season. This was a transformative revelation. And not a new one. There are pioneer women from the 90's teaching the 4 phases of the cycle and now I am 100% one of them. Be sure to check out some of my other articles and see if you start to notice your weekly seasons. It's crazy cool!
Well said. I've read this twice..and didn't notice anything about your husband making you angry ? Phew.
And I know your not a door slammer , but we both agree that the soft close hinges in the kitchen were a great addition.
BTW anytime you feel like swinging an axe, we have a pile of firewood in the back yard that needs chopped.
Pray for me.
I had a very progressive family that allowed me to express anger. My favorite method growing up was door slamming. There's something kinetic about swinging the darn thing open to gain momentum and putting your whole weight into slamming it shut. The satisfying sound and whoosh of air by my face would bring me down to baseline. That built up anger energy would be gone. I feel silly doing anything else ... screaming, slamming pillows, hitting a punching bag. None are as resetting to me as a good door slam. No one else slammed doors in my family... it was my trademark.
Do you think anger and frustration are the same emotion or different? I often feel frustrated but true anger for me is rare.
Loved the podcast accompanying the article. It really brings it to life. Thank you for mentioning my work!
You make a good point about frustration vs anger. I honestly don't know. Both seemed to be negative when I was growing up. So it didn't really make a difference.
What would you say the difference is?
Did your kids grow up slamming doors too? Or was that your thing?
Do you see any connection to those frustrated days, hormone flux, and unmet needs?
Growing up, anger wasn't an emotion appropriate for little girls. We were supposed to be polite and accommodating. Even to this day, I am terrible with recognizing when I'm angry - it usually takes a lot before I'm raving mad. Your firecracker analogy is perfect. But I hadn't thought about looking at anger in relation to my cycle, and how it can stem from unmet needs. Thank you for pointing that out; I hope things are getting better in your neck of the woods.
Same here. I was the only girl with three brothers. I remember very early, I had a temper. That temper was squashed. Which is fine. Learning not to just unleash on everyone is important. Anger is fine when it doesn't' land on someone who really doesn't deserve it.
And I am not referring to when there is someone specific that is pushing my anger button. This article is really about just having the feeling in general. Just like sometimes I feel sad but nothing I consciously is attached to it. Or when I feel happy, I'm not always trying to figure out who or what is making me happy.
Yet, it's true that in the cycle phases anger just shows up sometimes. Fluctuating hormones of testosterone in Spring phase or crashing or jumping estrogen in Fall, I believe, plays a part in sudden feelings of intense frustration, or general funk feelings. Unmet needs is a huge part of this equation in late Fall especially when we have forgotten to take care of ourselves for too long. I think it spills into the Fall phase of life- perimenopause. When we have been ignoring these inner irritations cyclically for years and then the life phase of Fall shows up, all of a sudden every day we are feeling that same irritation that we felt only a few days of the month is now all the time. This is when the practice gets very real and healing is essential.
I so appreciate your thoughts here, Susan. It is a much needed conversation.
Your comments and thoughtful words encourage my writing. Thank you.
Things are better for some of us here and not great for others. I now have drinking water! Which means I can wash my face in the shower, rinse my toothbrush with my faucet and wash dishes with tap water! 54 days. I have to retrain my mind that I am allowed to do these things now.
Today, it snowed. I love snow, but the winds of over 45mph knocked out power to 1,800 customers (I was spared) for 12 hours and I am very concerned about the higher elevations and all the displaced families that are living in campers or worse- tents. It is still very dire in some of the surrounding towns. Please keep them in your prayers. We need volunteers to construct tiny homes to provide temporary housing.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It is still very rough here.
Drinking water!! Finally!! I cannot imagine what you and your community have been through.Two months with no water; it seems like that would be impossible in this day and age. Prayers continue for your and your community.
And yes, please keep writing about women's cycles and how they affect our lives. I feel like we were told to tune out our cycles when they started, or never taught that they were important to pay attention to in the first place. And maybe that we because no one taught our mothers. Regardless, your writing is for women of all ages - young women just learning about their cycles, women wanting to get pregnant, women in midlife, and women in menopause. Knowing how to tune into ourselves and our emotions only make us better prepared to harness the energy of our cycles and honor when we need to rest. You remind us how to make time to discern our emotions instead of stuffing them down so that we can process them instead of being like firecrackers. I'll say the same thing to you as to Ann Marie McQueen: you're a beacon; keep going. XO
Thank you, Susan. I am humbled by your eloquent words.
We will educate our young women of Spring, our blossoming mothers of Summer, our wild peri-women, and our wise women that we can go with our flow and embrace it tenderly, no longer ignoring or fighting it away.
Our phasic strengths are our birth-right!
I would be careful with screaming. I used to regulate my emotions by screaming things, and it was overheard, and it ended up causing me quite a bit of trouble. I'll never give myself the freedom to scream again. It's ironic how you want to get toxic feelings out of your system to heal them, and you can get labeled as that which you are trying to get rid of.
I'm thinking more along the lines of getting in my car and just letting out an aaaaarrrrrhhhhhh!
No words needed.
But yes, I can see that screaming words around others could be problematic.
This is so helpful to know this is normal. I just wish we could actually normalize it instead of shoving it away and bringing shame to the table instead. Thank you.
Right? Regulating emotions. I mean when I'm happy I don't get all up in someone's face with my laughter and freak out on them. It's an emotion. We have them. Maybe I'll go throw axes when I'm happy too.
I mean, that might be as much fun if not more. I'm not sure if I would be more accurate angry or happy. Of course if I'm not accurate angry that might make me more mad.... 🤣
Love this reply so much. Made me smile. Yeah I think my accuracy is best in my Spring season days 7-12. Will have to experiment to know for sure. Yes, definitely in my pms, throwing axes plus anger might be disastrous. Not to mention I'm clumsy.
My accuracy is ideally best when I don't try to aim,lol. If I just spontaneously throw something at someone, I would hit them in the head. If I try to actually hit them i would fall miserably! 🤣
💯
I’ve never thought about tracking the differences in my cycle depending on the season, though I know I am of course deeply affected by the change of season- or lack thereof in current times. Thanks for sharing!
Each week of your menstrual month is it's own season. This was a transformative revelation. And not a new one. There are pioneer women from the 90's teaching the 4 phases of the cycle and now I am 100% one of them. Be sure to check out some of my other articles and see if you start to notice your weekly seasons. It's crazy cool!