A Pivotal Question

What day are you on?

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

This simple question right here.

Five years ago, I came across menstrual cycle awareness. Each day had its own unique flare. And each week had very different abilities and challenges. I began to see myself as cyclical. I began to re-write my months. I started planning according to “my month” instead of the calendar month. This was pivotal for me.

Years ago, I knew very little about the menstrual cycle. I did track, if only to mark on my shared google calendar with my husband “period may start”. Each month I tried to guess when that would be. It was as much for him as it was for me. I just wanted us to have the heads up that the 2 days prior was marked “pms”, laughable now that I know pms is an entire week if not more.

I also thought pms was a bad word. PMS was used on the irrational, the irate, the tantrum throwing crazy girl. I cringed at those letters.

I really did my best to stay as even keel as I was when I was on the pill all those years before.

Keeping it together was much harder off the pill.

Five years ago, I came across menstrual cycle awareness. Each day had its own unique flare. And each week had very different abilities and challenges. I began to see myself as cyclical. I began to re-write my months. I started planning according to “my month” instead of the calendar month. This was pivotal for me.

I began to journal with the day I was on and the season I was in at the top of my page to help me ground into my own month.

I read a book called Optimized Woman by Miranda Gray detailing each day, each week, each challenge and ability. This helped me to organize myself according to my seasons.

Day 1- Day 6ish Winter

Day 1 (menstruation) starts my new monthly calendar.

As winter suggests, hibernating and resting, I allowed myself to do the same in this week.

At the end of winter, farmers take inventory of the seeds they have and begin to make plans for spring. I did this on an internal level and found that my energy for planning arrived right at the end of my inner Winter. So I made a note to myself to spend Day 4 reviewing my last month and Day 5/6 planning my next week and month.

Day 6ish-Day 12ish Spring

I noticed that over and over in my Spring journaling was filled with list after list. This was my list making week. Sometimes when I have too many thoughts all jumping at me at the same time in Spring, I remember to list it all out. I found moving my body was a better outlet than doing tasks that required stillness or waiting in lines.

Day 13ish-Day19ish Summer

Summer is the time I seem to drop out of my journal and I forget which day I am on. This is usually because I am more interested in expressing myself and socializing than checking in on myself and journaling. Summertime has been the time that I feel the most like myself. That is until perimenopause decides it is something completely different. This is a sign to me that I may not have ovulated. If it isn’t easy breezy then the hormones are probably wobbly.

Day 19ish-Day29ish Fall

Then the abrupt shift I've talked about in previous posts, the one that has me laughing and wanting to go out, to all of a sudden wondering if I am too much to be around. Critical thoughts pop out of nowhere and I start to second guess myself. Making decisions becomes hard and I find I want to be alone more. This pattern has been my inner Fall. Although once again, in perimenopause this kind of “lens” can be in every season now since this is also the inner Fall phase of my life. Tracking this phase has been very important for me to remember how I have handled my own awkward feelings in past months. I make notes for myself when I’m in my review phase the next month. Things like “remember to drink more water” and “going to the woods was exactly what I needed today”.

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After tracking my own days for at least 3 months, I felt like I was understanding the seasons that women experience and I began to reach out to the women friends in my life and ask them what day they were on.

This has been very supportive in my relationships. When I get a phone call and my friend and I start chatting it up, I sometimes say, “wait, hold on, what day are you on?” Knowing what day they are on allows me to know how to support them. I also started picking up on the nuances of when a friend is in the opposite season as me or when they are trailing behind a few days. There is a beautiful connection in my friendships that allow for this vulnerability.

Growing up, I always felt like women were mean, always sizing each other up, trying to compete and find ammunition against each other. But, tapping into the seasons of women, I find more grace and better understanding. I find camaraderie and support.

“What day are you on?”

Starts with you first. Getting to know the inner seasons intimately then pushes us to reach out to our friends and family and connect in these seasons.

• If your anwser to this question is: “I don’t know”, then I highly recommend tracking. To read more on tracking see my post Awareness Starts With Tracking.

• If you answer: “Day 93”, then you are well into your Fall phase of life and everyday is it’s own journey. Let us all know what that part of the trail looks like! You may find some footing in watching the moon phases but this is a very important time to journal everyday if you can.

• If you answer: “I’m post-menopause, I count into oblivion”, then congratulations on the freedom of that! Also, if you sometimes feel like your inner gps is not syncing, you may find relief in following the moon’s phases to pace your energies.

My answer today is: Hold on let me look at my app! Ah, there it is. Day 16 Summer. Ha! Of course I have to look, it’s Summer season!

Go With The Flow,