Flowing Through The Holidays
...even when Aunt Flo visits
Re-posting this timely article while I give myself space to sift through my thoughts and stories of the historic event of my lifetime- Hurricane Helene.
Stay tuned, I have power, water (not drinkable of course) and wifi as of recently, and I miss writing.
I have so much to share with you about the most devastatingly beautiful unimaginable that is now my reality.
Until then, I thought now would be a great time to remind us all that we have the ability to look at our calendars ahead to pace ourselves and give ourselves grace through the next couple of months of festivals and holidays.
For years I thought something was wrong with me. When the holidays came around, I didn’t seem to enjoy them; the gatherings, the shopping, the family commitments. Holiday cheer was replaced by anxiety and dread. I wanted to feel all cheery and happy but instead I sided with the grinch. But, I didn’t feel that way every day from Thanksgiving to Christmas, just around the actual holidays. What gives?
The Big Aha!
In 2019 as I began tracking my cycle during the holidays and then in 2020 and 2021, there was no mistaking the connection. My transition days from Fall to Winter phase and sometimes my Winter phase (Day 1) fell on Halloween and then Thanksgiving and consequently also Christmas day. It was a big “aha” moment to say the least.
How long had my cycles been inviting Aunt Flo to the holidays? I don’t know exactly, but it was years. Let’s break down why this was causing so much frustration and inner turmoil.
During the menstrual month there are 4 main inner phases:
Winter phase: Day 1- Day 6ish (Inward energy, rest, renewal, slow, all energy is at its lowest point)
Spring phase: Day 7ish-Day 13ish(Outward energy, rising physical, emotional social, sexual energy, list making, goal setting, spring cleaning, hosting)
Summer phase: Day 14ish-Day 21ish(Outward energy, all energies are doing well, socializing, feelings of fun and sometimes flirty, motherly energy, playful)
Fall phase: Day 21ish-Day 28ish(Inward energy, small burst of energy followed by a need to be alone and rest, creative energy, challenges of inner critic, all energies fading, mental energy is low, socializing can become difficult)
So here I am hovering somewhere between Day 27 and Day 3 when the holidays arrive every year for years and I picked up a stigma that I don’t like the holidays.
This awareness helped me to see that it all made sense. I didn’t hate the holidays. Relief. They cyclically lined up with the time in my month where I needed to slow down, rest and take care of myself which doesn’t line up well with the societal demands of the holiday season. Through journaling and talking with girlfriends about this not-so-ideal phenomenon, I decided to figure out how to cycle sync with it.
Cycle syncing- is lining up the optimal abilities of the phases with your own cycle month. By using your planning ability in late winter/early spring you can plan your calendar to line up with your inner seasonal phases.
Of course life isn’t always ideal through the month, but learning to prioritize where I can has really helped my sanity.
Flowing Through The Calendar:
On or around Day 5-7 (Winter/Spring transition) when my list making and planning kick in I sit down with the calendar and look at my month ahead.
Day 7 to Day 13 Spring is a great time to fill it up with decorating, shopping and hosting
Day 14-19 Summer is a great time for work parties, kids parties, volunteering, date nights, gatherings and hosting
Basically, in Spring and Summer do all the things!
Day 20-24 Early Fall is a great time for creating, decorating, baking, organizing and getting an afternoon alone.
Day 25-28/30 Late Fall is a great time to keep the calendar clear of anything extra and just focus on what is most important to attend. This is the time to practice letting go, boundaries and slowing down. Way down. As in, I take naps.
Day 1-Day 5/7 Winter is a great time to stay in jammies all day, get cozy on the couch and watch movies, do some puzzles, listen to music, and keep life simple.
This planning doesn’t guarantee I wont be crying on December 25th, and this practice of slowing down and saying no is no easy feat, but I do feel healthier and way less stressed if I tend to my cycle.
Do or Be, That is The Question
Recently, when I was on my Day 1 and resting, someone responded to my planned rest days with, “Yeah, but you still have to do life. You can’t stop everything for that.”
Why is resting often met with discouragement? What is it that makes people not want others to rest?
The comment was that I have to “do” life. I get it. No, life doesn’t stop for our cycles. But we can learn to slow down and let the world pass on and drift into the slow lane for a little while.
There is a time for “doing” and that lines up in the first half of the cycle. In fact the hormone cocktail provides the stamina, the list making, the desire for socializing and a wonderful burst of mental and physical energy. It is very satisfying to make the most of the “do” part of the cycle.
In the second half we are challenged with the “be” part of the cycle. The hormones have hit the crescendo and then drop down. We too, are called to drop down into ourselves and the energy on all levels, physical, emotional, social and sexual, begin to decline.
Just as this time of year we experience more dark hours than light, in the second half of the cycle, women experience this effect of naturally wanting or needing more sleep, more solitude, more quiet reflection and instead of outward “doing”, find satisfaction with inward “being”.
So in a society that pushes us to “do” more during the holiday season that lands in a time where we need to “be”(in the second half of our cycle), how do we navigate this?
Taking the pressure off of ourselves is a big part of this by giving ourselves the grace to “be” and rest when our bodies ask for it.
Letting go and asking for help
Last year as the days got closer and closer to Christmas day and I stopped being able to shop and make decisions on gifts, I let go. I asked my husband if he could buy the gifts. He was happy to. He bought the majority of the gifts. Asking him for help when it all gets to be too much has been a beautiful part of trust in our marriage.
Beyond that, I am learning to trust God to take care of me and to give me grace and strength when I am at my lowest tide. When I surrender, I get to see beautiful synchronicities line up. He is the Light that shines through my darkness.
“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
During this month, I am reminded that not only is life short, but it is precious. It’s not all the doing that matters, it’s being with those I love and who let me be myself.
If you are struggling and bleeding on the holidays this year, you are not alone. May you flow through the holidays and remember to just “be”.
Happy Holidays… *even with Aunt Flo ;-)
I didn't realize you had been affected by Helene; hoping life returns to something that is close to normal soon.