Welcome to Go With The Flow. As usual the quick run-down of the phases for those just joining the group.
Winter phase- menstruation Day 1-Day 6ish- New Moon
Spring phase- follicular Day 7ish-Day 13ish- Waxing Moon
Summer phase- ovulation Day 14ish -Day 19ish- Full Moon
Fall phase- luteal Day 20ish-Day 28ish- Waning Moon
It’s perimenopause awareness month!
I’m 37 days and counting, she tells me.
Wow, I respond. You beat me. I’ve only hit 35 days a few times. And it was pure torture.
I ask her to continue tracking her cycle for me since she is just ahead of me on the trail to menopause.
I remind her that her wobbly cycle is a sure sign that she is in fact in perimenopause and that it could be 2 years or 10+ years.
Oh, great! she responds sarcastically.
I’m with her. Secretly, I wish for going along cycling and then one month I hit 37 days and I just keep counting. The next year, I pass the 365 day mark and have myself a little feast to mark this rite-of-passage and then I just keep counting into oblivion.
Yes, this little fairytale is what I naively hope for. But even fairytales have a villian. And all good stories have major obstacles.
I’m 5 years into the perimenopause journey. The wobbly cycles are mostly showing up as irregularities in the Winter phase itself. Variations of pms symptoms and perimenopause symptoms. Months will pass without breast tenderness and then one month or months, I’ll have breast pain everyday from ovulation to menstruation. This time a new little variation of stabbing breast pain hit me in the middle of the night and persisted on and off for a day. Peri symptoms have popped up with insomnia or just waking up about 7 times a night but falling back to sleep. What once were horrible night sweats are now just a flash of warmth without getting up 3 times in the night to change clothes. My most recent obstacle is intense peri-anxiety. I’m not talking about Spring phase anxiety, I’m talking about anxiety almost every day from Day 6 through Day 18. I did all the things that I and “they” say we should do.
It will shake you like a ragdoll and leave you looking for something to hold onto.
After my 35 day hellish cycle about 4 years ago, I finally heeded a friend’s recommendation to start progesterone cream. I read the book, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause that my husband found in free lending library in the neighborhood. God bless him and the lender to that library. Changed my whole understanding of bio-identical hormones and sent me diving deeper into research.
Do you ever long for menopause? Or to clarify, post menopause?
Menopause defines 1 day in time. The day you reach 365 days of no menstrual spotting or bleeding.
Before the 365 mark, you are in perimenopause or menopause transition. After that day, you are in post menopause.
On day 365 I plan to have a menopause party!
But I’m getting ahead of myself, possibly way ahead if this thing drags out for 5 more years which is not uncommon.
Some months are so intense at the end, that I find myself looking forward to the end of cycling with menstruation.
Still other months, I think, ‘I won’t know what to do with myself without the menstrual new moon to reset me. Will I just feel untethered? Free, yet directionless?
At day 55, will I feel abandoned and betrayed only to start counting day 1 all over again?’
Doing what I can for a smooth landing
I am finding that all that I am doing now, using progesterone cream, controlling my estrogen dominance with herbs and supplements, eating as cleanly as my budget and lifestyle will allow, getting support from a very caring and knowlegable Naturopath, nourishing my thyroid, adrenals and endocrine pathways and prioritizing stretching, walking and nature therapy is all supporting my cycle transition.
I am not where I was 5 years ago and not where I was even 5 months ago.
Life keeps throwing obstacles and I keep counting days in cycles.
But at some point, I will be ‘counting into oblivion’1.
So, what happened to my friend with the 37 day count? She had a 42 day cycle. And she was not amused.
My curious mind wants to know:
What Day are you on?
Have you skipped any cycles? What was that like for you?
Are you counting into oblivion?
If you are past Day 365, did you have a party to celebrate your rite-of-passage?
What obstacles came after 365 days?
*September is Perimenopause Awareness Month according to The Menopause Society and Perry (a website, app, and social platform providing education and connection to women in peri).
**look for more thoughts on the Peri-Autumn life phase in my next post…
Go With The Flow,
***I’m Day 30/1. I apologize in advance for any typos.
I cannot take credit for this great phrase, but I do hope to coin it! Counting into oblivion is a phrase that means, hitting Day 365, having a party and no longer needing to count because you have come into post-menopause; the rite-of-passage that breaks you free of counting cycle days. Thank you Sarah H. for handing me the rights to this phrase. I think it’s awesome!
I'm not counting to oblivion yet (but should be close after 7 years of perimenopause). And the long, wobbly cycles? Definitely leave me feeling like a rag doll. Those longer cycles that last until day 35 or more are challenging for me. It's as though time has stopped and the days crawl by waiting for my period to start. I imagine going months without a cycle will also be challenging and would love to hear from other women how they managed it.
One of the best parts of your Substack has been reminding myself to check in and see what day I am on when I'm feeling anxious, drained, low energy, high energy, ect. I've been able to make small changes in my schedule that have had a big difference. No long longer do I feel bad about resting in the winter phase; and I've been encouraging my daughter to do the same.
I am counting into oblivion here, although I'm not really counting anymore. If I see anything, I circle it on a calendar. Seeing something has been so frequent that it makes no sense for me to count right now. When I stop seeing something, I'll start actually counting again. I will need to know when I reach 365 days, but I'm not planning on celebrating until afterward when I know I've finally made it.
I'm just leaning into this seemingly never-ending experience because I know when I reach menopause, I'll probably wish I was back in these days.